My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
