you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
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