I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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