I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
