What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
