Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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