Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
