but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
