there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
