Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
