watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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