He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
