I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i think i have two assholes
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
