if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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