i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
