I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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