I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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