see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
