You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
