He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
