I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
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I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
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I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize