Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
