i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize