She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Randomize
