there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
