Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
