at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
