So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
