He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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