im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
