im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
