alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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