you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
