I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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