We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
