So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
