Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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