you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
