im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
