Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
