im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
