I'm jealous of your bromance
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wish you could order shots online.
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You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
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That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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