how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
