A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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