it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He passed out mid-signature
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
