If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
