Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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