just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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