I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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