i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
