I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
