you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
