i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
