When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
