My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you had me at cake vodka
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
