I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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