Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize