You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize