mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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