Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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