I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
