I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
