my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
