Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
