I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
