The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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