i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
