I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
